


Steampowered Soulbot At Work - a HSWC 2013 Fill Collection

by SeiryuNoHoushi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-20 11:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeiryuNoHoushi/pseuds/SeiryuNoHoushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of my written bonus round fills! Some of them are short, some of them are longer. Please enjoy!</p><p>Note - I'm raising the rating to "M", but I will specifically label fills that are rated "M" or higher in the chapter summary/comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. BR 1 - Listen Jesus to the Warning I give.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psiioniic<>Signless

_“All I’m saying is that maybe we’re taking a big risk here… And maybe we should stop and think about this. Slow down, take our time…“ The Psiioniic offered._

_“If we take our time, a peaceful planet will never be realized. Many of these people don’t have the years that ‘taking our time’ would entail.” The Signless countered. “This may be our only chance. We can lead these people to freedom. We can pull ourselves out from under the heels of Her Imperial Condescension.”_

_“Do you ever think about what’s going to happen if they catch us?”_

_“I’m willing to take that risk.”_

The dull agony that throbbed through his body constantly was a counterpoint to the memory. _Of course. You always could take that risk. You weren’t worth anything to her alive. All you had to do was die for your world. I have to live for it. I have to fight for it._ He couldn’t even wipe away the yellow tears trailing down his face anymore. All he could do was cry silently and wait for orders. He knew deep in his heart that he could’ve given up, been completely beaten, and when his useless yellow blood life had been spent, he would’ve been ripped out like old wiring, thrown away. But he had fought.

He had fought the Condesce at every turn. Being fused into her ship hadn’t made him docile, hadn’t made him forget who he was, hadn’t made him give up on his friend. He had fought her and she had loved him for it. Struggling in the name of a faded memory of a long dead friend had led him here: thousands of sweeps of agony and torment. Still he resisted. Some days he didn’t remember why he even tried. 

Long ago he had forgotten his friend’s name. Long ago he had forgotten his own name. It didn’t matter anyways. He was the Helmsman now, but he was still the right hand of the Sufferer.


	2. BR1 - Colored Chalk of Lucifer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi<3<Gamzee

“Just be all up and relaxing, sis. Take in the MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE of the wicked elixir.” He offered her the bottle of faygo, swaying it back and forth in front of her face.

“One day, I’ll finally get tired of your tantalizing fizzy red drinks and bring you to justice.” She snatched the bottle from him. If only she’d never licked that red chalk… Maybe she wouldn’t have found a strange obsession with anything that color. Now even this ridiculous carbonated sugar beverage was calling her, making her its slave.

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen, sis.” He grinned lazily at her. “Motherfuckin’ peasantblood like you doesn’t have it in them. Motherfucker might go and think that you don’t even know what you motherfuckin’ want. All up in here, kickin’ the wicked elixir. Motherfucker might think you’re going black for him.”

“Shut up. Your voice is annoying.” She took a swig of the faygo, frowning. The tantalizing candy red was overwhelming, drowning out any sense that ran through her mind.

“A motherfucker’s Best Friend might get the wrong idea, though.”

“Who said Karkat has to know?” She grinned sharply at him through the fog of red. “It’s not like he’s made himself clear on what quadrant he wants anyways.”

“Alright. I can get down with that.”

“Gog. I hate what you make me almost as much as I hate you.”


	3. BR1 - She Doesn't Know Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nepeta<3Karkat
> 
> Interpreted as Nepeta<3Doomed!Karkat

The thought had occurred to her, now that she had all the time in the world really, that she didn’t really know him at all. She’d always seen Karkat as a fierce and fearless troll. Maybe a little crabby sometimes, but definitely not this.

The first time she’d met the doomed god-tier version of him, he had cried. That was something she’d never imagined Karkat doing when they finally met again. It wasn’t that she loved him any less for it - she could be the strong one for them – but that he wasn’t the Karkat she had imagined.

Clinging to her, pink tears staining her coat, he had sobbed and told her how he had missed her. How he had missed all of them. How he even missed the humans. He had died in a heroic feat, saving the last two players in his timeline: Her and Gamzee.

She had hissed slightly at that, but tried to keep herself together as he explained. He came from a timeline where he had reached God-Tier by calming Gamzee early into their session, before he could kill anyone – well, anyone else anyways. The bard of rage had lovingly carried him to finish dying on his quest bed, filled with regret. And that was how he became moirails with the crazed clown.

And then he explained how the others had fallen, how he and her had desperately clung to each other, a Matespritship started in mourning. Equius had taken down Noir single-handedly, only to be destroyed by Lord English. Terezi and Vriska had taken each other out in a final show down over that long ago disastrous FLARP session. 

Their lives had been crumbling until they found each other. That was what he said. The only thing that had kept them going was their pity for each other. Then he begged her to still be his matesprit. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t the Nepeta that had survived through everything with him, he needed her.

She’d held him until his tears dried, comforting him. And then she had told him yes. She had told him how she had always been red for him, even when he yelled. Even when he failed. Even when others faded to pale or darkened to black, she would always be red for him.

She might not have known anything about him, but she had always loved him. She would keep loving him.


	4. BR1 - No Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro<3Dave

Just like it was rigged, the pile of smuppets buried him – and he watched, waiting. He saw Dave freak out, stumble from the jumble of proboscis and jutting plush rear flailing. Hyperventilating when he thought no one was looking. Trying to regain his cool when he saw the note.

 _Little man…_ He might try to act nonchalant about the whole thing, to bury his feelings. He cared about Dave so much that it hurt underneath his pretended indifference. Let him think that he had a shitty guardian. Bury him in smuppets. Set shitty sword traps. Put fireworks in dangerous places.

All of this was the armor that he wore to protect the heart he let Dave think he didn’t have. Hide behind shades, be cool. Be the anime guy, the bad-ass with a sword and a black hole where his heart belonged. The truth was, it was breaking to pieces over a little guy who’d crash-landed his way into this crazy life.

He’d promised he’d never let any guy make him feel this way again. In his youth, he had been clingy and needy, a string of boyfriends breaking his heart more and more. Finally, he’d decided to layer himself in irony. He didn’t love anything. It was all for irony. The true irony was that when he wasn’t looking for someone to steal his heart, someone finally had.

He dropped his rocket board and hopped on. He had a strife to start after all.


	5. BR4 -Sugar, We're Going Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro<3Mom<3Dad

She watched them feed each other cake, just a little jealous. She loved them both, but sometimes the fact that they also loved each other broke her heart. There were days she wanted them to fight over her, to sweep her off her feet. Maybe it was just the alcohol at work, though, because damn if it wasn’t hot watching a well-dressed man being fawned over by a man normally ‘too cool for words’.

She snatched the baseball cap off his head while he was otherwise preoccupied, fitting it on herself. Laughter, another round of drinks, both men holding her hands now. Wind and wine. Strider fussing with his revealed hair, trying to make it perfect. The smell of fragrant tobacco smoke. Things should stay like this forever.

But they wouldn’t, and it saddened her to know it. The day they’d all been working toward was almost upon them. Talking about the kids made them all uncomfortable somehow- maybe because they knew that to ready them for the end of this world, they were making their lives a sort of hell. So they’d agreed that when they met, they would leave behind their titles. No ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’ or ‘Bro’ here. Guardians of heroes? You must be thinking of another trio. Here they were merely lovers, sharing a picnic.

A seagull landed, hoping to snatch something up. The sudden appearance of a katana made it think otherwise. A gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him from flash-stepping, chasing the bird down just to show he could do it.

They’d have to leave soon, no need to waste time on shenanigans like that. He turned back and realized he wasn’t the only one capable of great feats in short time. His favorite classy gentleman had packed away the remains of their meal, folded the tablecloth, and was now raising an eyebrow at him. He took a hint and helped load everything into the car.

They strolled along the beach, not knowing when or if they’d ever see each other after this again. Time was at a premium. She shivered slightly. It was early for a picnic, but they’d done it. She wasn’t the least surprised when a suit jacket was draped over her shoulders. From the other side, an arm wrapped around her.

They talked very little – words were overrated. When she stumbled, one of them would catch her and that’s all she needed to know. She loved the fact that between them, she didn’t have to be strong, didn’t have to be some sinister shadow always ready to pounce with razor sharp wit.  
It was getting dark now and the longer they lingered, the more explaining they’d have to do. Cake mix, hard liquor and sewing supplies could only cover so much time. She gave back his hat and stole a kiss, the sweet taste of cake still on his lips, then turned. The pipe left his mouth just long enough for her to bestow a similar blessing on him. Then there was just the slightest bit of awkwardness.

It struck her as strange every time they did this dance. The two of them could sit there and shove cake into the other’s mouth, embrace as though they didn’t have a care… But goodbyes were hard. She pushed them towards each other, a smile gracing her dark lips. She supposed it simply wasn’t ‘ironic’ enough for Strider. Egbert fiddled with his tie, straightened his fedora, picked at the pleats in his pants. Just stalling. As always, he was immaculate.

Finally, she just shoved Strider. She didn’t know how many times she’d executed that move, but it worked every time. Suddenly he was in the other man’s arms and the kiss was unavoidable. Perfect.

\---

They sat together, waiting. They still loved each other, but with just the two of them they were incomplete. They’d made a promise – no matter what, find each other. They had done everything they could for this world’s heroes, now they could be together.

The shadow that fell over them didn’t really give them time to react. The sunglasses that it bore left them more paralyzed than the surprise of its descent.

His ears twitched, his snout curling into a vicious grin. So easy to kill everything in this world. Little did he know as he shoved the fedora on his head, wrapped the scarf around his neck, that he had just completed his Guardian Trio set.


	6. BR 4- Dave's Mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave<3/<3</<>Karkat

He hides under your cape and you just look at him. Before it’s even out of his mouth, you know what he’s going to say.

“What? I’m just cold, bulge-muncher.”

He huddles against you and underneath your cool exterior, you start to wonder again. Being a teenager is hard. It’s hard and no one understands. You’re a mixed bag of feelings lately, not knowing how you feel about anyone really. But Karkat is that big question in your mind. What exactly do you think of the loudmouth nub-horned ‘leader’ of the trolls?

Times like this, when he’s uncharacteristically quiet, huddled against you on this lonely, cold, meteor… You think you might just love him. If anything could penetrate your carefully placed layers of cool and melt you like a frozen popsicle, it might just be the tiny big-mouthed troll.

You scoff and make a weak attempt to shove him out, but as you intended he just gets more tangled. You call him a cape magnet again, pretend to tussle for complete control of your god tier ‘pajamas’. You tell him to go get his own cape… And then you just let him stay. You’ve put up enough of a fight. He might buy that you’re being ironic again.

Yeah. You definitely think you love him right now…

\---

You definitely hate Karkat Vantas. He’s pushing you again about Terezi. Bossing you around, telling you she’s not right for you. Pleading with you to do that stupid vacillation thing. He wants her so bad and all you can think is why you never cross his mind. 

You want to punch his face until he can’t think of her anymore, but you’re too cool for that. Instead, when this argument devolves into the shipping grids again, you grab his arm and wrestle with him, making him draw dicks for at least the second time. You ask him why he’s doing that and he screams obscenities at you, demands that you stop moving his arm, crows when he finally manages to move in the direction of the grid. You’re going down the same path, over and over again.

If it’ll stop your spinning emotions, you’ll keep doing the same thing over and over again. You’re almost sure that you really hate him…

\---

No. You don’t hate or love Karkat. Even if you did feel that way about him, you’ve heard about his feelings for John, his relationship with Terezi. You love both of them – no homo- and you don’t want to get in their way either.

You’re building with the Mayor, the only thing that seems solid to you lately. The Mayor is cool. 100% of the time, the Mayor is your friend. He’s there for everyone.

You take a can of Tab, a can of something written in Alternian, place them carefully. Oh. Look at that. Opening ceremony of the new community college. The mayor claps and congratulates you with a pat on the back. 

“Strider…” It’s one of those times when he’s not Shouty McNubs and you almost worry you’re going to backslide, that you’re going to keep going wondering if you love him or hate him. “I’m sorry. Past Karkat is an idiot, but I can only keep going and making mistakes. I’m a failure… We’re stuck together and I’m making it hard to be around the only other people on this gog-forsaken meteor.”

You don’t say anything to that, simply give him the full-on unreadable Stoic Prick face. There are only two men in the known universe that can read that look and Karkat is neither one of them. He flounders on, telling you his feelings, and you just listen.

“I think what I’m saying is… Fuck… I want to be bros.”

Yeah. That’s it. For once you’re actually certain you know exactly what you feel. You surprise Karkat by offering him a fistbump. “Bros.”


	7. BR 4 - I Want Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alpha!Dave<3Dirk

He held the phone haphazardly, unwilling to hear the answer he knew he was going to get. “So… When are you going to come home?”

The usual responses – ‘I don’t know’, ‘Work is keeping me pretty tied up’. Today it was the latter.

 _Is it really work that has you all tied up or is it some woman?_ He didn’t voice his concerns, doing that would have been too obvious. If there was one thing a Strider was not supposed to be, it was obvious.

“You’re sure you can’t get out of something..?” _Stop_. He could tell himself that one word over and over again, try to keep the neediness out of the conversation, but his feelings always seemed to win out. The sound of his own voice over the phone made him sick. He tried to ignore the flashing red words of Hal, warning him not to say anything more.

Dave simply went into his usual spiel about how what he was doing was important, about the impact of his movies on the world. He was shaping a rebellion, he claimed.

The last words Dave uttered this conversation, like any other, were ‘Stay cool.’ No pet names, no acknowledgement of who he was talking to. For all anyone on Dave’s side of the call knew, he could be talking to some other celebrity douchebag, some random fan, a complete stranger. Did anyone even know about the younger Strider? Somehow Dirk doubted it.

He clutched the phone, trying to will his brother back on to the line. “I love you, Bro… I’ve always loved you… I need you…” He held on until the dial tone was screaming in his ear. “Please…”

\---

Dave looked down at the cellphone, finally cutting off the call. “I know… And that’s why I can’t come home…” He rejoined the group he’d left to take the call.

“Girlfriends, huh?” The director gave him a wry grin. “You go away for more than a weekend and they’re all over you.”

He laughed, went along with it. “Yeah. I just can’t keep them off me. Spend one night with the Strider and they think we’re getting all serious, that I’m going to propose or something. Get down on one knee and profess my undying love for someone I hardly know. Sure, one night with me is mind-blowing but I can’t deny the masses of women starving for my love out there. That would be irresponsible.”

He knew that one of these days, he’d have to go home, face his little brother and the deep dark secret burning between them – that they wanted the same thing. For now, he’d bury it in work, hide behind miles of phone line.


	8. BR 5 - Fruity Rumpus in Candyland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk<3Equius and Dave<3Terezi.  
> Side Pairings: Dirk<>Roxy, Equius<>Nepeta

“Hee hee hee hee! Wow, Dave! Is that you?” The voice boomed, causing lollipop trees to shake. She leaned close to the board and inhaled. “I smell… Cherry… And Orange Creamsicle! …And Blueberry.” She pouted just a little. “Thanks a lot, Dave. You bring Mr. Blueberry Sweat with you but I get stuck on the sidelines. I wanted to be part of the Fruity Rumpus Party!”

“There… Is something sticky… In my hair…” Dirk stared blankly at his brother, horrified.

“Calm down. It’s just a creamsic-“ Dave was cut off by Dirk grabbing him by his new cherry-themed garb.

“Tell me I’m not in Trickster Mode again.”

“From the erratic behavior your team mates displayed while it was engaged, I don’t believe this is simply Trickster Mode… “Equius commented. “Unless, of course, we are all immune to the effects of Trickster Mode.”

“I think… We’re in Candyland.” Dave pointed to the giant sign welcoming them. “Hey, TZ! Does everything smell like a sugar-filled nightmare down here?”

“It smells… Really tasty!” She favored them with a sharp grin.

“What is ‘Candyland’…?” Equius questioned.

“It’s this kiddie game that Bro and I use to play- for the irony of course- and everything is sort of sugar themed. The game is a race to get to the finish line-“

“Then we should proceed to the finish line and hope accomplishing that goal releases us.” He made a move to step out of the red space and hit an invisible barrier. “…There’s something blocking our exit…”

Dirk preformed a 2x face-palm combo. “You know what. I don’t even care how this happened. Just tell her to draw a card.”

They watched as one of Terezi’s hands towered over them, moving to the deck. “Hee hee. Prince Cherry Pants… Gets to move to a delicious grape square!”

“’Prince Cherry Pants’? Seriously, Terezi?” Dave frowned up at her giant hovering face.

“Heey. Are you going to complain about your delicious nickname or move?”

The world seemed to shake as something came bounding in to the room above them. “AC pounces on the unsuspecting mighty dragon! ‘We were supposed to play together’ she reminds her scaly friend!”

“NEPETA! Please refrain from pouncing, tackling or bounding!” Equius called out to her.

“Uwaaah!” She made a grab for her moirail. “You look so adorable, Equius!”

“You can play Lord Blueberry Bottom.” Terezi offered her the deck of cards. “But Prince Cherry Pants is definitely going to win.”

“Hmmmm…” She examined the card before announcing, “Lord Blueberry Bottom furgives his purrfect meowrail when she moves him to Snow Flake Lake!” Without another word she picked Equius up, setting him far away on the board.

“And now we have to decide who gets to play King Orange Creamsicle.” Terezi leaned over and gave the board a lick before placing Dave on the purple square. “It’s so delicious…”

“Ugh…” Dave groaned, standing in a pool of troll spit.

“King Orange Creamsicle should be on the same team as Lord Blueberry Bottom.” Nepeta argued.

“Oooh. And why is that? Other than the fact that they make a delicious fruity salad together.” Terezi needled.

“Because I ship it SO HARD.”

“Did someboby say hard? Somebody…” The door opening shook the board again. “When you say hard, are you talking dranks… Drunks… Drinks…?” Roxy sat down next to Nepeta, marveling at the board. “Oh look… It’s Dick… Dirk… Heh heh. Why’re you dressed like that, Dirky?”

“Sometimes I think you call me Dick on purpose, Roxy. Draw for me.” Dirk greeted her.

“Whaaat? On purpose? Neeeever. Wonk, wonk.” Roxy obliged by drawing a card. “Looks like you’re moving to the green space, Dirky-“

“King Orange Creamsicle.” Nepeta corrected.

They continued to draw cards until finally Equius and Dirk had landed on the same square together, Dave far in the lead thanks to shortcuts. “I told you! Lord Blueberry Bottom and King Orange Creamsicle are secretly together!” Nepeta insisted, pushing the two miniaturized friends at each other. “And now while Prince Cherry Pants is fur out of sight, they have a hidden lover’s meeting!”

“There’s no way out of this, is there?” Dirk whispered to the troll.

“Not that I see at this point.” Equius confirmed.

“We might as well just play along so she stops manhandling us.” With that said, Dirk swooned into Equius’s arms. “Oh, Lord Blueberry Bottom! Our torrid love affair will be discovered!”

Equius was at a loss for words, trying to recover from the surprise. “I… I don’t care?”

“No! We can never let the world know of our dark flavor swirl!”

“HA HA!” Terezi crowed. “A delicious lemon square and Prince Cherry Pants wins!”

The board began to shake and the girls backed away from it. Dave pin-wheeled, tottering on the edge of the table for a few second, before falling off. Dirk and Equius ended up being luckier, the change in size leaving them on the table, albeit still embracing.

“You know… We could finish this roleplay.” Dirk wagged an eyebrow at the troll, then moved closer. “My bedroom isn’t that far away.”

“Oh my…” Equius could feel sweat running down his face. “That is… Quite a lewd proposal.”


	9. BR5 - Equake Twister: Two Disasters in One!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius<3<Jake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my personal... I guess it'd be a rare-pair? Can't quite be crack cause there is some sense to it... Anyways, I call it "Equake" or "Earthquake" because if you combine their names... Yeah.

Another color and another body part called, Equius struggled to keep his balance, tottered, nearly fell. There was absolutely no way he was going to lose. If he could just keep from toppling, his strength would see him through.

Jake reached for the new dot from his position under the troll. Right hand red – easy enough. “You know… I probably should have warned you. I’m really rather flexible. Dirk happened to like that about me.”

Oh Fiddlesticks… He felt his hand slipping, tried to recover, barely managed it. “Your lewd black solicitations are unappreciated.”

“Oh, come now. We’re perfect for each other. You’re a blue alien that likes fisticuffs. I have a fondness for blue aliens and scrums… I’m a man with a sense for adventure-“

“Who is attempting to gain the flushed quadrant of my moirail and was once the ‘boyfriend’ of my matesprit.” Equius interrupted. “No. I have only the deepest platonic loathing for you.”

The troll’s balance faltered again as the human maneuvered between his legs. “Think about this, Equius. Nepeta and I, well we’re good together. And Dirk? He’s still a great friend. We’ve got those two in common, why shouldn’t we have some sort of relationship, too?”

“Because you are forgetting the part where I have no romantic interest in you.”

“Just because I may have mistakenly referred to you as Cerulean-“

“Ridiculous hemoslur incident aside, there is nothing between us.” The game continued, Jake slowly using new maneuvers to gain the top position. Now their faces were right next to each other. “Get off of me, English.”

“I believe… You’re just playing hard to get.” Jake used the new call to almost rest on Equius, blatantly ignoring the request. Surely that would aggravate him into action.

“Uhh…” Tavros looked at the trolls that had started in the game, questioning. “Does anyone else think this is getting kind of weird…?” He held the spinner, unsure if he should continue. “I mean…”

“Nah, Bro.” Gamzee patted him on the shoulder. “Gotta just let them motherfuckin’ work it out.”

Jake felt his foot slide a split second too late. Both of them were knocked to the ground, Equius on his back, Jake straddling him.

“This is exceptionally uncomfortable and inappropriate.” The blue blood scowled. “ _Please_ get off of me.”

There was a squeal of joy from the doorway. “You were right, Jake! Black ships are fun, too!”

Equius shoved Jake off, forgetting for just a moment that even something like that could injure the human. “Nepeta! No! This is most certainly not… That is to say… We were merely…”

“Oh come on.” Vriska rolled her eyes. “The two of you were practically having hate sex the entire time.”


	10. BR 5 - A Strange Way of Playing Pictionary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius<3<Caliborn... Or alternately Equiuso8<Dirko8<Caliborn

uu: AND WHY WOULD I AGREE TO THIS?  
uu: IT SOUNDS STUPID.  
uu: THERE AREN'T ANY WOMEN INVOLVED.  
TT: Don’t you trust me?  
uu: NO.  
uu: I AM NOT GOING TO BE PART OF YOUR STUPID EROTIC FANTASY.  
TT: That’s not what you said last night.  
uu: LAST NIGHT DIDN’T INVOLVE SWEATY TROLLS.

He snarled at the computer screen, not believing what he was reading. There was absolutely no way Dirk Strider was going to get him to do this. He really hated Dirk and surely one day that hate would blossom into the full-on combat required for cherub mating, but he wasn’t about to humor him on _this_ just to keep their kismesitude going.

\---

CT: D-> No  
TT: Yes.  
CT: D-> No  
TT: Yes.  
CT: D-> No  
TT: Look, we’re not doing this. We can’t both be black for him.  
CT: D-> My hate is of a purely platonic nature  
CT: D-> And even if I sh001d e%perience feelings of a black nature for such a hateful creature  
CT: D-> I value our flushed relationship far more  
TT: Then do this for me.  
CT: D-> Your caliginous relationship is endangering your life  
CT: D-> The e%tent of the injuries that you have accrued worries me  
TT: I can take care of myself.

He sighed, shaking his head. There was absolutely no way Dirk Strider was going to get him to do this. He really loved Dirk and one day, together, they would surely provide a full filial pail to the drones. He just wasn’t prepared to forgive the snake-like beast constantly breaking HIS boyfriend’s limbs, sending him home with untended cuts and generally trying to kill him. That was certainly not what he considered a normal kismesitude.

\---

They faced each other, the silence awkward. They hadn’t actually _met_ before this – all they’d had to go on was descriptions from Dirk and their own preconceptions. They were both surprised by actual appearances.

From all the damage he’d done, Equius had assumed Caliborn would be more intimidating and less… Well, dorky? He was wearing a bowtie and suspenders after all. Instead he was shorter and smaller than Dirk with long, dark eyelashes and piercing red eyes.

Caliborn hissed under his breath. He’d expected Equius to be some brainless hulking monster of a troll from the way Dirk talked about him. On more than one occasion, Dirk had driven Caliborn into a black frenzy going into extreme detail about the ‘finely tuned machine’ that was Equius’s body. The fact that the troll’s expression wasn’t completely vacant just pissed him off more.

“You’re Caliborn…” There was the slightest hint of disappointment in the troll’s voice.

“And you’re Equius.” This… This was going to be really awkward. Fuck. What were they even doing?

Dirk had said he’d be meeting up with them, promising a love triangle of tender hand-holding to Caliborn, an awkward auspitization for Equius. They fidgeted, trying not to stare at each other or show how impatient they really felt with this whole thing.

“Fuck. He’s not coming.” Caliborn scowled. “I should have known.”

“I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for why he’s late.”

He narrowed his eyes at the troll, calculating. Sure, Equius wasn’t the mindless brute he’d imagined and that meant he wasn’t the only one who could fuck Dirk over in mind games… But that also meant this little forced meeting might be fun after all. He favored the troll with a rather toothy vicious grin. “Let’s play a game.”

\---

“Checkmate.” Equius offered.

“Fuck.” He bared those sharp canines again and scattered the pieces. “Enough chess. We can keep this going in another game.”

“There isn’t another game in the park-“

“We could go back to my place.” 

\---

Equius dropped his keys on the table, staggering in. He hissed as a drop of sweat rolled down his neck, only to be greeted by the lights turning on.

“So. How’d it go?” Dirk lifted an eyebrow at the troll.

“I may have exaggerated exactly how platonic my feelings were.” He tried to straighten to his full height but couldn’t quite manage. The skin on his back felt like it was on fire. “You knew that and you left me with him.”

The human shrugged. “There was a 95.62% chance that you’d work it out and never want to see him again this way. So how’d it go?”

“First of all, he has a strange obsession with playing games.”

“I knew that.”

“He is extremely miserable at drawing.”

“Go on.”

At this point, Equius peeled his tank top off. “And he has some extremely ludicrous notions on how the game of Pictionary is played.” The pictures scratched into the troll’s chest were still seeping blue- if you could even call them pictures. “It made it exceptionally difficult to even see what he was drawing. I still have no idea what he drew on my back.”

 _Oh shit…_ Dirk brushed Equius’s hair out of the way, examining what Caliborn had put there. ‘Fuck you, Dirk. Don’t stand me up next time.’ Was scrawled over a crude drawing of the cherub and troll holding hands. ‘P.S. His hands are sweaty.’

“Is it something obscene?” Equius questioned. “I had the impression that it was.”

“…Yeah…” Dirk wasn’t entirely sure what to say. His matesprit had just allowed his kismesis to scratch badly drawn images all over his body. Who let someone they hardly even knew do that? “Equius… Do you ever think that maybe there’s something wrong in our relationship?”


	11. BR 5 - Euchre Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Equius<>Roxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Save me from the Equius Rare-Pairs...

“I don’t understand how they could possibly be winning.” Kanaya frowned at her cards. “They’ve barely met and your ecto-mother is clearly under the influence of soporifics.”

“Case… Curse… Cause we need nothing between us.” Roxy adjusted the broken shades she had quickly stolen from her partner.

Why exactly did every girl he was friends with seem to love borrowing his broken eyewear? He didn’t claim to understand it. “I pass.” He looked across at his partner, the strange connection between them almost palpable to the void players. Yes. There was _nothing_ between them. From nothingness, she could steal his intentions. The hand that appeared devoid of tricks dealt to him would serve him well.

“Pass…” Rose eyed them quietly, pondering.

“Diamonds.” Roxy declared. “Alone.”

He watched the game play with his useless cards face down. It didn’t matter. He already knew that Roxy would clean them out, take the four points, and lead them to victory. He was of the most use when he had nothing, just as in anything else.

She lay the last card down triumphantly, careful not to spill her drink. “That’s 3 games for us.”

“You’re using your aspect.” Rose accused with a silent grimness.

“I told you, Rosey. There’s nothing between us.” She swept the cards in, meaning to deal another game.

“That’s not really fair.”

“I think I’ve had quite enough.” The rainbow-drinker pushed her seat back and stood. “It has been… Quite interesting learning this game.” 

Rose frowned, looking between the two void players. “Next time I think we’ll switch partners, if you don’t mind Kanaya.”

“This is the first time we have interacted since meeting. How could we be expected to know our aspect would tie us together so strongly?” Equius questioned.

“This is true. Vriska is also a light player and the two of you aren’t necessarily compatible.” Kanaya offered.

The discussion ended there, the losers choosing to leave. Once she was sure Rose and Kanaya were gone for the night, she hugged the troll. He was stiff under her embrace, but she didn’t mind. She was actually getting use to that. “We’re great together.”

“I fail to see how excelling at a card game shows anything.” He fished his shades back from her face, placing them back over the blank eyes that marked him as a ghost. 

Now that there was no one to put on the show for, she’d stopped the slurred and wrong words. She wasn’t nearly as drunk as she’d led them to believe and Equius knew that. “You know, no man is an island. Totes sure that was Machiavelli.”

He scoffed lightly at her. “I don’t exactly deserve anyone’s attention after what happened… What I _allowed_ to happen.”

“And when you want to talk about it… Or when you want to play cards again… Remember we have nothing in common.” She gave him one of those patented knowing Lalonde smiles, planted a black lipstick kiss on his cheek, and handed him a card from the deck before vanishing from the dream bubble.

He put his fingers to the mark, turned the card over and pondered it. Two of diamonds…


	12. BR6 - Not Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darkleer<3/<3<Disciple
> 
> Rated M for Mentions of Canon-Death, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Scratching/Biting, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Mentions of Mental Instability
> 
> This is a POV-Switched remix of [this fill](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/5337.html?thread=1901785#cmt1901785) by paradajka. Reading the original isn't required for this to make sense, though.

Your head aches just looking at him and the feeling of shame that washes over you is almost too much to bear. It doesn’t make any sense why you feel like this or why it brings to mind images of hoofbeasts, robots and fairies. When you receive the order to fire on him, you don’t even question it. Maybe putting him out of his misery will end yours as well. It doesn’t.

You can’t bring yourself to hurt her, though. You’re torn between these new feelings and who you use to be. You’re a STRONG soldier, an obedient aristocrat. There should be no question where your loyalties lie… And yet… 

The moment you let her go, you know that you’ve resigned yourself to a path of destruction. You can bring about the end of the Signless, but you refuse to be the death of his disciple. You disappear – it may be the only thing you’re still good for.

You keep her out of trouble, bind her wrist when she cuts it open to write her messages on the wall. You take her wrath when she lashes out, knowing you deserve it. She refuses to write in the blood she draws from you, but she’ll use anything else. She hates you and you must deserve it. 

You tell her all your feelings, bare your soul to her. She hisses and tosses things. You can’t blame her. You destroyed everything she loves, then forced her to keep on living.

When she won’t leave the cave, you bring her food. Most of the time, she pretends she doesn’t hear you, doesn’t see you. You stay longer than you should, try harder than you need to. You want her to understand that who you were and who you are, those are two different men.

She doesn’t scratch or bite anymore. You want to believe her feelings are fading from black, that maybe she’s forgiving you, but you don’t dare accept that as true. You are the only company she has anymore and perhaps that has worn her down. Every so often, she even decides to speak to you. Usually, it’s the days you’ve been crying.

You wake from dreams that feel like another life. You call to her, reach out, and she doesn’t hear you. You’re haunted by the grinning face of the Grand Highblood, taunting you. He tells you that she can belong to only one and you aren’t that one. 

You don’t understand and you’re afraid you never will. You’re afraid that this is what it feels like to slip out of your thinkpan. You do the same things over and over, expecting different results – Didn’t someone once define madness that way?

She’ll never love you. You also suspect she’ll never give up her hate. What little pity she has is a hardened, cold thing brought out by your pathetic state. Your body may be exceptionally STRONG, but underneath your will is weak. You couldn’t kill her, you can’t kill yourself.

You gently roll the white orb that Mindfang left with you, trying to imagine yourself as someone else, someone worthy of friendship and love. You want to be an inventor… Or a poet… A lover… A best friend… Anything but the defeated soldier you are. You want her to smile and you want to smile back… But it only makes your face hurt…


	13. BR 6 - Be The Doormat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caliborn<3</<>Gamzee
> 
> Rated M for Violence, Blood, Gore, Attempted Murder, Sadism, Fatalism
> 
> This is a POV changed remix of [this fill](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/3493.html?thread=1359013#cmt1359013) by mayfic. You don't have to read the original for it to make sense.

Your eyes start to glaze over and you actually have to fight through the pain to stay conscious. You’ve done some pretty bad things in the name of your dark clown gods and maybe this is just payback – but you don’t really think so. The universe has a funny way of working in your favor. In the end, things that happen have to happen.

Your face is actually so badly swollen at this point that it’s numb, but that doesn’t really matter. You try to communicate in the only way you still can – a sort of rumbling liquid-filled purr. When he walks over, you manage to focus on the disgust he’s showing you. He shoves the crowbar under your chin, lifts your face until you’re almost choking on blood. It doesn’t matter, you just keep trying to let him know that it’s alright, that you understand all this motherfucking shit had to happen and you’re still on his side.

For just a second, you think that he’s so put-off by your struggle to survive his handiwork that he might actually let you recover. The face he makes shows you exactly how he feels about you – a general all-purpose loathing. Then he rips your shirt open, exposing the bullet wounds.

His first instinct, before trying to bash your skull in, was to fill you with lead. When that didn’t work, he used one of the very gifts you came bearing against you. You continue to make that strange gurgling hum, letting him know you don’t care what he does to you, that it’s all part of the plan. When he fits the crowbar into one of the bullet holes and rips your chest open, the noise stops coming. You can’t breathe beneath the pain, you can’t think.

Once again you have to fight against the blood loss just to keep from drifting off. He’s glaring at you and you just offer him that pain-dazed grin and blood-filled rumble from deep in your throat. He turns back to the tower, preoccupied, and you decide to try standing. You wobble into a crouch, your body threatening to betray you and give up. When you think you’re going to fall back to the ground – half of your internal organs seem to be pureed mush rushing to leak out of the holes he’s left in you – you put a hand on his shoulder.

He grabs you by one of your horns and for just a second, you wonder if this is maybe where your part ends in the will of the mirthful messiahs. He’s snarling, pulling so hard you think he might actually separate the spiraled bone from your thinkpan. He pulls you closer, stares into your eyes now that you’re face-to-face. The noise keeps gurgling out of your throat, your only attempt at reassuring him.

He makes a disgusted noise, scowls at you. Then, blissfully, he lets you go. You’ve given him all the help you can right now. Keys, crowbar, power… You finally let yourself slip into darkness, sated by the knowledge that he won’t murder you while you rest, that he understands you’ve come to help him.


	14. BR6 - OBEY The Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee<3/<>/<3<Jane
> 
> Rated M for Violence, Blood, Implied Character Death, Mental Instability
> 
> This is a companion piece for [artwork](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/8507.html?thread=2179899#cmt2179899) by hakkari.

If journeying through the demented landscape of her own mind had taught her anything, it was that rebellion was futile. Those who didn’t OBEY were as useless as a broken watch… A cracked teacup… Or an unfunny clown.

Through the first half of her journey, Gamzee had seemed to make no sense, reporting that he was ‘getting his motherfucking chill on’ or that she had disturbed him ‘during tea time’. She knew the latter was complete hogwash – she’d never seen the troll drinking anything other than that carbonated swill.

As the batterwitch began to win the battle, things began to clear up. The little mind games, the potion-selling, the complacent looks of a fool, the patient pale pity for her situation… They were all a mask. Two could play this double-edged game though.

When he snaked his arms around her and whispered, she smiled and gripped the vorpal blade just a little tighter. _Yes… Tell me how I must win… Tell me how I must fight… Tell me how much I mean to you…_

“Sis… You gotta all up and overthrow this motherfucking bitch… You don’t even know what you’re all up and motherfucking doing anymore… “ His lips brushed her ear, his breath warm against her neck.

“Tell me you love me…” She demanded. “Tell me you feel the way Jake never did…”

“Well, shit, Sis… Of course I love you…”

“Liar.” She drove the vorpal blade into him, stabbed him over and over. “LIAR! Give my regards to Lord English! I know you work for him! She’s told me everything!”

The laughter was strangled, burbling purple blood twisting it into a sickening somehow liquid sound. “Oh, Sis… Don’t you motherfucking know? I love you… Because I’m your motherfucking free will…”

_Yes Jane… Obey… Submit… Cull him…_

She was coated in purple blood, but the pitiful creature on the floor didn’t resemble the mad man who had followed her across twisted landscapes, acting as her unsolicited guide. He was still the face-painted troll underneath the gore, but he wasn’t demented as she’d imagined him. She felt a twinge of regret looking at her broken companion.

“Try and remember, Sis… This isn’t motherfucking REAL.” He managed to crawl to her feet, to pull himself to his knees and look up at her. “The things she says don’t mean a motherfucking thing…”

_Jane. Cull the clown. Be the heiress. We both know you need me to win._

She drove the vorpal blade home one more time, pinning the useless clown to the ground. There was just no way to fight. She was right and they needed her. The batterwitch had won.

\---

“DO YOUR HUMAN WORST!” Kanaya invited.

“Silence, buster.” She’d stopped fighting the control and come back from the depths of her mental prison… Now there was only one thing to do.


	15. BR 6 - journey To Regionals... Wait... Journey to the ER?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John<3Karkat
> 
> This is a companion piece for [artwork](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/8507.html?thread=2074427#cmt2074427) by swaggiejay.
> 
> It borrows heavily from the Regionals performance of the New Directions in Season 1 of Glee because the original Prompt was Glee music.

“Karkat, are you alright?” John questioned, tapping the troll’s shoulder.

“Do I look like I’m alright, you bulge-chafing nook-whiff?” He growled in response. The paleness of his face spoke for itself.

“Karkat, it’s alright. We’re going to do fine.”

“John.”

“Yeah, Karkat?”

“Until you have to sing the high notes, shut your chitinous windhole.”

John offered him a care-free grin, hesitated at the door. He offered Karkat one more good-natured look, then pulled the handle, entering the back of the auditorium.

The crowd turned, watching them preform, dumbfounded as the two boys started off with a duet rendition of “Faithfully”. John wasn’t much of a dancer, but he had the voice for 80’s classics and the goofy charm to win an audience over.

They took the stage, singing about how their love wasn’t easy, but they still belonged to each other. The crowd burst into applause and then the curtain pulled open.

Sollux smiled from his position in the wings, controlling the lighting sequence as Feferi and Aradia took over, countering John’s segue into “Any Way You Want it” with “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’”. He played with the colors, throwing Feferi in blue, Aradia in red. 

The crowd roared to life again, only to get louder as Tavros wheeled himself forward, opening “Don’t Stop Believing”. His voice was almost lost under the approval, but he kept on, joined by Vriska. 

Despite the awkwardness of the involved trolls and humans, the audience seemed to be enjoying the music… Until everything broke down. 

If he was asked about it, John still couldn’t say exactly what happened. What he did know was that Gamzee slipped in something – whether or not it was sweat was still undecided, though Equius had spent the last two weeks apologizing profusely for their loss at regionals. 

Gamzee’s mishap had started a dangerous 5X Fall Down Combo, upending Tavros, knocking over Vriska, shoving Terezi completely into the wings. Those things were bad, but the worst part was Karkat’s stumble off the edge of the stage.

Instead of collecting a trophy and congratulating each other on a well-earned win, they ended up with a car ride to the emergency room. There was a lot of babble between the three teammates that had shoved themselves into the backseat, crowding to make sure Karkat was going to be alright, including an iconic Strider soliloquy waxing on how they had just had their asses handed to them by the universe and they could kiss their chances at another season goodbye. Terezi elbowed Dave, trying to get him to shut up, but that was, of course, impossible.

Every few minutes John would bother Karkat again about how much pain he was in. Did he think he was going to be alright? Did he have internal bleeding? Oh god Karkat, don’t die on me!

“John.” The troll hissed. “I swear to gog if you don’t shut up right now, I will climb over this seat and fucking strangle you, broken arm or not.”


	16. BonusBR - Let's Make Leprechaun Porn!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk(Horseshoes)Equius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The theme song for this fill is definitely "Opportunities (Let's Make Lots Of Money)" By the Petshop Boys.

There was always that awkward moment when someone recognized him when he was at the grocery store. There were two kinds of reactions: Back away slowly or nervously gush about how they loved his work. The fans were, thankfully, discreet about what he did on a regular basis. He pushed his shades on to his forehead, intent on double-checking the nutrition label of something. That was when one of the latter found him.

Dear sweet lord. No. The Leprechaun began rattling off some of the racier titles that he absolutely loved the troll in, then spouting rapid-fire questions. Did he enjoy being tied up? Was there digital editing or was he really that buff? Could he purchase one of the props?

The can crumpled, spewing its contents everywhere. He absconded at the point when he was asked about his favorite textures, groceries completely forgotten. There was simply no way that he could handle this anymore. When he’d met Dirk Strider and agreed to this, he’d thought ‘Oh. I couldn’t possibly ever run into someone who actually watches this.’ That had been the start of the strangest, most horrible business relationship ever.

He cringed the minute he entered the house. Dirk wasn’t in the living room, controller in hand. That normally meant he was in the sound-proofed editing room and studio they kept. There was absolutely no way that he was going to walk in on Dirk putting together the final cut of their latest video. No matter how often he was told that he was gorgeous bound and blinded, covered in completely lewd felt toys, he had NO intention of watching his own degradation.

It was probably an exaggeration to say their relationship was purely business – they did both enjoy some aspects of it. Unfortunately, Equius was pretty sure that finding humiliating positions for him was one of Dirk’s guilty pleasures.

“You’re back early.” A cocked eyebrow, a knowing smirk, the slightest hint of southern charm. “No groceries?”

“I ran into some trouble…”

“Another fan? You could always let me do the shopping.”

“Dirk.” The troll gave him an exasperated look. “I refuse to live entirely on Doritos and pizza.”

“Alright, alright.” He put his hands on the troll’s shoulders. “Easy, boy. Should we try the blinders again? That was a big seller. Maybe we can mix things up a little. How do you feel about throwing in Rainbows this time?”

“Rainbows don’t really mix with Horseshoes do they? Or am I getting my charms confused again?”

“I think we’ve pretty well dominated the Horseshoes market. I was thinking we could try one without Horseshoes, see how it works… Unless, of course… You’d rather I keep tying you up? Who am I to tell the artist how to preform after all?”

“I… Er… That is to say…”

“Pots of Gold, Hearts, Horseshoes you, Big Guy.” 

Well, fiddlesticks. There was really only one response to such a thing. “…I Pots of Gold, Hearts, Horshoes you too…”

“I’ll get the rope and the camera. Meet me in the smuppet pile in five.”


	17. BonusBR - Like a Chastity Belt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alpha!Dave<3<Dirk, Side pairings of Dirk<3Jake, Dirk<3Sollux, Dirk<3Equius, Dirk<3/<3<Caliborn
> 
> Rated M for Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bondage

You can’t even get a date anymore. Sollux glares at you and reminds you how not once, not twice, but three times things have gotten serious and you’re brother has just barged into your room with some random excuse. If you can’t guarantee privacy, ‘there will bee no more dates’.

You move on to Jake. That can’t have been that bad, could it? It was only twice. Your Bro should be out of town. You’re immediately shot down and reminded that Dave seems to have a sixth sense for when you have company. 

Shit. First two choices down. That means you don’t get the guy who’s good with his hands or the best kisser. (Seriously. Jake English makes you feel like a volcanic explosion has gone off somewhere every time he kisses you.)

Your third choice is the body. You’ve only tried putting the moves on Equius once, so he can’t possibly think that your brother just randomly pops in to cockblock you. Every time you suggest a venue, a date, a time, he blocks with a prior engagement. When it gets down to ‘He’s washing his hair’ you get fed up. You probably should have expected that. He avoided you for weeks after the incident, too embarrassed to even catch your eye from across the room.

That just leaves one. You can’t believe that you’re even contemplating this. Who knows what sliding home with Caliborn would be like? Still, he’s the only guy you’ve dated who hasn’t been scared off by Dave – possibly because you’ve never tried anything with him before.

You catch him by the lockers, make subtle inferences, raise an eyebrow suggestively in all the right places. You don’t know whether to be relieved or horrified when he says yes.

 

He doesn’t put up any pretenses and that might be for the best. You’re nervous. What’s the excuse going to be this time? A random strife? Missing phone? Ironic gift of weird sex objects? Movie premiere? No matter what it is, it always kills the mood.

“Wait. What are you doing?” He’s handcuffed your right wrist and now he’s hooking it to your bed. This is not what you signed up for. Up until this point he’d been a little rough, biting and clawing, but you hadn’t exactly expected _this_.

He shoves you down and really bites this time. You can feel where his teeth have torn into your lip. You fight, try to push him away, but he just seems to enjoy the struggle. Fuck. Where is Dave when you need him? He can ruin perfectly healthy relationships, but he won’t show up when you’re being violated in your own bedroom? Why fuck did he even have a pair of handc-

Oh. Oh shit. He didn’t bring those with him. You thought you’d gotten rid of them. They’d been part of the gift set Bro had used to scare Equius away. Where had he found them? When had he found them? He’d barely been out of your sight. The cuff clicks home on your other wrist while your mind reels. This isn’t what you’d imagined your first time would be like. This isn’t it at all.

The door finally opens and you thank god. Caliborn, caught in the act, should abscond. Dave doesn’t even utter an excuse, he just stares, mouth ajar.

“Join in or get out.” Caliborn snaps, unphased. You can’t even believe this. Your brother has walked in on him cuffing you to the bed and he has the balls to keep going. 

Dave has to pull him off of you, fight him out the door. He shouts obscene threats for an added touch, something about shitty swords and finding out how far he can shove one in some place. He has to search for the key to the cuffs and for a while you’re panicked that he might need to call a locksmith, that someone else is going to see you like this.

He finally gets you out and you punch him, knock those douchebag mirror shades askew. This is his fault. If he hadn’t decided to be your personal chastity belt, you wouldn’t have ended up here. He ruffles your hair, sets his glasses straight. Normally he’d give you some long drawn out ironic speech, but today he just tells you four words. “Love you, Little Man.”


End file.
